This morning I awoke to the sound of soft rain after a crazy dream of our house being renovated into an Egyptian Temple and people sleeping everywhere in our house. As I rolled out of bed in the morning dream like state remembering snippets of my dream and still integrating the intensity of Giten Tonkov and his amazing loving compassionate team of breath-work and trauma release facilitators from the Training with him I just completed in North Bali.

Yes if you haven’t seen me around lately, that’s where I was, BREATHING like my life depended on it because it did!! So being even more committed to my spiritual path than ever before in a loose body I shook and jiggled down the 187 steps towards our pool only to STEP right on a snake which thank god didn’t turn to bite me but slithered out from underneath my foot! Talk about an adrenaline spike! Something that I became acutely aware of during one of the many sessions during the training was my literal addiction to adrenaline from all the traumas of the past.
Through the breath-work I was able to maintain enough awareness and in such a safe container to completely allow my body to do what it needed to release traumas that weren’t even mine! Having studied trans generational trauma from an indigenous perspective I was able to witness how my nervous system has been operating through out my entire life and creating more trauma and dramas for myself and those I loved around me, AND in that moment with my felt sense I was able to consciously CHOOSE something different.

I think the greatest gift has been the opportunity to once again dive deeply into my own process and surrender to the beginners mind as the older I get the more I feel I know nothing about the great mystery. For someone like me it felt so good to not be holding space and yet to be part of a potent and transformational space which we were all doing the work together. I have deep respect for all those out there who have the courage and willingness to drop all the masks we hide our broken parts behind and dare to bring them from darkness to the light and to trust the intelligence of this body which knows exactly what it needs to do in order to release anything that is in a contracted fear based sensation from the body.

I have dedicated my life to transformation and this training has gifted me with a huge piece which has allowed me to have a deep love and compassion for myself and for others. Really we are all just trying to do the best we can in a world so full of stress and potential anxiety and coping with our wounded child who for me she was leading my life just trying to get my attention. Now I feel at peace, I feel a deep core wound has finally healed forever because I have felt it fully, and released it fully and chosen to break a destructive pattern in my life.

I know sure enough they will rise again and I will be triggered again and I know I love a good dose of drama every now and again but where I went these last few weeks has left a powerful reprinting on my heart of hearts that I will always be eternally grateful for. No one escapes this reality with out experiencing something – that’s what this reality is – a life school! So I willingly will surrender myself again and again to the knowings of the Divine Great Mystery who guides me to all the right experiences at the right moments in this life so that I may continue to grow and learn to shed my skin like the snake who slithered out from under my foot this morning!

I am excited, nervous, and curious to see how this training with inform my work with my Facilitators Training just around the corner! All I know is I have no choice but to keep dropping more and more or the veil that I once hide my vulnerability behind and keep showing up with my authenticity, moment to moment with that deep knowing that love is stronger than fear and fear stands for FACE EVERYTHING AND RISE! So that is what I shall continue to do as long as air is entering this temple of it own volition! I am not breathing me, all of existence is so I might as well stay present for the journey and feel it all!! That’s the gift!

Infinite gratitude Giten Tonkov and everyone who was there! I feel somehow lighter, with a new found sensitivity and tenderness!